You're Not Alone
by MariaABC
Summary: Sonny, and his depression. (Warning - Self Harm)
1. Chapter 1

The signs started subtly, not even Olivia noticed.

First, Carisi would always angle his wrists away from whoever he was talking to. When he leaned, his wrists would always be faced towards his body.

Then Sonny was eating less. He still brought cannolis into work, but he wouldn't eat any, and he'd only eat a few bites of his lunch before silently throwing it out.

Next, Sonny wouldn't pull his sleeves up anymore. This is when Rollins started to take note of his strange actions.

After that, Dominick stopped eating. He didn't even bother bringing a lunch. He thought nobody would notice, but he was wrong. His preformance started to be hurt by his lack of eating. Rollins tried to tease him, but all Sonny would do was give her a sad smile.

The worst incident was when the SVU squad were waiting outside an apartment building. It was a hostage situation. Sonny couldn't help but feel responsible. He had the perp in interrogation, but couldn't arrest him yet, so he walked out. Sonny was waiting outside, over by the communication booth. It was hot in his vest and he still refused to roll up his sleeves. Rollins walked over to him.

"Are you feeling alright? You're super pale."

"Yeah I know Rollins. You can be Italian and pale ya know."

"That's not what I mean." She put the back of her hand, in his forehead.

"Rollins, I'm fine." He said, swatting her hands away. Rollins retreated and walked away, but watched Carisi from where she stood. She noticed the slight sway he had even though he was just standing. He was clumsy. Sonny took out his phone and dropped it. He sighed deeply then slowly bent over to pick it up. That's when it happened. Sonny must have stood up a bit too fast, because she started wobbling, and fell down. He grunted in pain, and grabbed his wrist.

Rollins tan over to him. He tried to play it off, but she insisted on examining his wrist. "Carisi, have you been drinking enough? That could be why you're so pale." He shrugged and tried to pull away when Amanda went to undo the button on his sleeve. "Or it might be because you don't eat." She said glaring at him. He lowered his eyes and started at his wrist, still trying to pull away from her.

"Oh for God's sake!" She yelled at him. "Just let me look at your wrist!" Sonny stopped moving and just hung his head.

"Sorry." He whispered. Sonny felt the air hit his wrist, and he prayed that Amanda wouldn't examine the underside of it.

"Lieu, I'm being Carisi to the hospital, he broke his wrist."

"What?" Carisi could heat Olivia coming closer until she was standing over top of him. "What happened?"

"Ask Carisi."

"I just tripped and fell." He said quietly.

Rollins looked at Benson and shook her head.

"Alright," Olivia sighed. "Bring him to the hospital, and keep me updated."


	2. Chapter 2

"So what's the deal with you not eating lunch?" Amanda was driving Sonny to the hospital.

"I eat lunch."

"No you don't. At first I didn't notice it but then you started only eating a few bites, and now you don't even bring a lunch."

"Not hungry." He sighed, still holding his arm.

"You know that's not healthy, right?"

"Look Amanda, I appreciate the advice, but I'm fine."

They stopped at a light.

"Let me see your arm." Amanda demanded.

"It hasn't changed since before." Sonny protested.

"Damn it Carisi, let me see your arm!"

Sonny gently moved his arm towards her. She grabbed his upper arm, which lifted his wrist up.

"Carisi, if I was to look at your wrist right now, what would I see?"

"Nothing. There's nothing there. I'm fine. Let me go." Dominick was frantic. Amanda ignored him and looked at the underside of his wrist.

"Oh Sonny." She sighed. "You should have said something." The light turned green and she started to drive.

"What did you want me to say? I feel so crappie about myself that I did that? I'm a big boy Rollins, I can get by on my own."

"Yeah maybe. But you don't have to." She said. "So what started it?"

"I don't know. It was just after a case, and I was really stressed. I didn't know what to do, then Bella and I got in a fight."

"And?"

"And what Amanda? You want me to tell you what I used? How often I did it?"

"Yes. That's exactly what I want."

"A broken beer bottle, and I don't know.

"When did you stop eating?" Amanda turned into the hospital parking lot.

"About two weeks ago. But I do eat sometimes." Amanda found a parking spot and turned to Sonny.

"Why did you do it?" She asked again.

"I already told you." Sonny went to open the door, but Amanda looked them.

"No, I want the real reason." She demanded.

Carisi hung his head, and sighed. "I was lonely." He whispered.

"Oh honey, you always got me and Jesse. Always." Amanda gently lifted Carisi's chin. His eyes were glassy, and Rollins pulled him into a gentle hug. AManda let go and unlocked the doors. "Now let's get your arm fixed because I'm going to need my chief." They both laughed a little, and got out of the car.


End file.
